You Are The Government

In reference to www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/11/18/congress.iraq.ap/index.html:

Bokonon79: this article is amusing as it is
Bokonon79: but if you add Street Fighter moves to the end of every sentence
Bokonon79: it becomes much more so
Bokonon79: "It's just heinous," Rep. Ellen Tauscher, D-California, said of the Republican move while hurling a hadouken at House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Illinois.
Bokonon79: Rep. Harold Ford, D-Tennessee, charged across the chamber's center aisle, igniting several representatives with his yoga flame and screaming that Republicans were making uncalled-for personal attacks.
Bokonon79: "You guys are pathetic! Pathetic!" yelled Rep. Marty Meehan, D-Massachusetts, executing a flawless shouryuuken that connected brutally with Rep. Marsha Blackburn, R-Tennessee.
Bokonon79: At one point in the emotional debate, Rep. Jean Schmidt, R-Ohio, told of a phone call she received from a Marine colonel.

Democrats booed and shouted her down -- causing the House to come to a standstill amidst a torrent of sonic booms and flipkicks.
d0wnwardsp1ral: SONIC BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
d0wnwardsp1ral: (¦) )))

OK Evolution

d0wnwardsp1ral: Did mankind evolve from primates?
Yes
No
Unsure
How would your Ideal Match answer this question?
Yes
No
Unsure
You can choose more than 1 acceptable answer for your ideal match.
How important is their answer to you?
Irrelevant
A little important
Somewhat important
Very important
Mandatory
Bokonon79: EVOLUTION
Bokonon79: I can't believe that if you answer "mandatory" to that question
Bokonon79: you'd be eliminating half of the population of america
d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahaha
Bokonon79: and for me, the answer IS, of course, MANDATORY
Bokonon79: because it's hard to get someone into bed if you're constantly making fun of them
Bokonon79: and telling them what a moron they are
d0wnwardsp1ral: yeah

Life Goals

Bokonon79: Relief pitcher Ugueth Urbina, a free agent who was with the Philadelphia Phillies last season, was arrested and held yesterday pending a formal charge of attempted murder.
Bokonon79: Last month, Urbina and a group of men allegedly attacked five workers with machetes and poured gasoline on them in an attempt to set them on fire. All five were injured, some of them with cuts and one with burns on the back and right arm, police said.
Bokonon79: machetes???
Bokonon79: gasoline???
Bokonon79: seriously WTF?!?!?!
d0wnwardsp1ral: yeah
Bokonon79: like how about if on Friday I meet you at your office
Bokonon79: and then we run around the Common
Bokonon79: throwing shurikens at people
Bokonon79: maybe lace them with arsenic or something
d0wnwardsp1ral: YES!
Bokonon79: LET'S DO IT!
d0wnwardsp1ral: DONE AND DONE
Bokonon79: if we could make them explode
Bokonon79: that would be nice too
d0wnwardsp1ral: HADOOOOKEEEEN
Bokonon79: actually
Bokonon79: I think I'm going to add that to my list of life goals
Bokonon79: i.e. things that I have to do before I die
Bokonon79: 1. witness a full solar eclipse
Bokonon79: 2. ride in a hot air balloon
Bokonon79: 3. throw a ha-do-ken
Bokonon79: how hard can it be?
Bokonon79: like, just make a ball out of some slow-burning flammable material
Bokonon79: light it on fire
Bokonon79: put on some flameproof gloves
Bokonon79: and toss it at someone
d0wnwardsp1ral: NOT HARD
Bokonon79: and of course when I throw it
Bokonon79: I have to yell "HA-DOOOOO-KEN!"
Bokonon79: so that everyone else knows what I'm doing
d0wnwardsp1ral: OF COURSE

Compulitical Science 101: Introduction to Object-oriented Cronyism [Part I]

Greetings. Welcome to the first of several sporadically-delivered, vaguely disorganized lectures that will be given during this course. My name is Professor Bertelsmann Q. Pancreas. Our goal today will be to cover the fundamental underpinnings of object-oriented programming vis-a-vis the massive political corruption and general ineptitude espoused by the current presidential administration.

Before we begin, I should comment that the content of my lectures is generally applicable across different computing platforms, operating systems, party affiliations, and most non-extremist ideologies. Nevertheless, to provide conceptual illustration, I will present code samples written in C$ (which, appropriately enough, is a mythical fusion of C# with Perl, our favorite dollar-sign-loving language). Furthermore, I will assume that you are at least vaguely liberal, otherwise you would have zipped away to www.nra.gov after the first paragraph. (Yes, .gov.)

Part 1: Creating Objects, Properties, and Methods

Unsurprisingly, object-oriented programming revolves around the notion of the Object. An Object, loosely defined, is a Thing: it can represent any Stuff that you desire using the primative buliding blocks of the programming language. Consider, for example, a War object, that you could describe in terms of the date it started, how many people were killed on each side, what the justification was, etc. In C$, using a class to define an object, we could write:

class War
{

DateTime $StartDate;
DateTime $EndDate;
int $NumberOfCasualties;
string $Justification;

}

Once defined, objects can be declared and instantiated, allowing you to describe them via their properties:


War $MyWar = New War();
$MyWar.$StartDate = new DateTime(2003, 3, 19);
$MyWar.$EndDate = new DateTime(2018, 6, 27);
$MyWar.$NumberOfCasualties = 26641;
$MyWar.$Justification = null;


Note that object values can be left undefined (null) in the event that they are unapplicable, inconsequential, unknown, or simply nonexistent.

In addition to having properties, objects can also have functions (or "methods") that perform a particular calculation or operation. For example, you could write a method to alter the value of a property in a particular, controlled way.

class War
{

string $Justification;
...
void ChangeJustification(string $NewJustification)
{

if ($NewJustification == "Oil")

$Justification = "Spread liberty and freedom"

else

$Justification = $NewJustification;

}

}

In this example, once you've created a War object, you could invoke this method as follows:


$MyWar.ChangeJustification("Capture an evil dictator");


Thus we have seen that Objects, Properties, and Methods make up the fundamental underpinnings of object-oriented programming, and that I can quickly generate a conclusive-sounding sentence by simply prepending an earlier statement that I made with the words "thus we have seen". In our next lecture, we shall examine the powerful notion of object inheritence and parent/child object relations.

*** BELCH ***

"Your Blog Makes No Sense"

d0wnwardsp1ral:
[22:51] d0wnwardsp1ral: have you been reading our blog?
[22:51] QTPi: umm
[22:51] QTPi: i read it yesterday or the day before
[22:51] QTPi: i meant to tell you that it makes no sense
d0wnwardsp1ral: can you blog that?
Bokonon79: THE OPERATION COMPLETED SUCCESSFULLY

BORKED.US LINKS!!!!!

MILES PER GALLON!!!!!
http://www.borked.us/rants/scooters.shtml

SIGNIFICANT FIGURES!!!!!
http://www.borked.us/rants/willi.html

PORTLAND, OREGON!!!!!
http://pdxlug.borked.us/

A(n Obscure, Nerdy) Trip Down Memory Lane

Bokonon79: BARREN REALMS ELITE
Bokonon79: it was an amazingly complicated game
Bokonon79: it was written by a 16-year-old
Bokonon79: with some help from his older brother who was a freshman at Dartmouth
Bokonon79: I wonder what happened to him
Bokonon79: I used to chat with them on the message board a lot... of course I was also annoying back then
d0wnwardsp1ral: cuz you were 10
Bokonon79: actually I was 12
d0wnwardsp1ral: SAME THING
Bokonon79: http://www.gamefaqs.com/computer/bbsdoor/game/574618.html
Bokonon79: AWESOMe
Bokonon79: I wonder if it references my "Cash on Wheels" (COW) technique
Bokonon79: HOLY SHIT
Bokonon79: IT DOES
Bokonon79: WTF
Bokonon79: THAT'S MY TERM
Bokonon79: http://db.gamefaqs.com/computer/bbsdoor/file/
barren_realms_elite_strategy.txt
Bokonon79: THAT'S MY ORIGINAL DESCRIPTION
Bokonon79: THEY STOLE IT FROM ME
Bokonon79: GOD DAMMIT
Bokonon79: taken right off of the message board
d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahahahahahahaha
d0wnwardsp1ral: LOSER
Bokonon79: SERIOusLY WTF!!!!
d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahahahaha
Bokonon79: you can vouch for me
d0wnwardsp1ral: i can?
Bokonon79: my writing style hasn't changed much since then
d0wnwardsp1ral: in that it's flamingly gay?
Bokonon79: YOU BASTARD