Sunday, March 09, 2008

The Great Tea Cup of Mr. Bonaventure

F. Scott Fitzgerald declared Gatsby to be Great, so it went without saying that Mr. Bonaventure's tea cup was also Great, for it held approximately 12 fluid ounces of liquid -- a full 50% more than an actual cup. This tea cup was also Great because it increased the specific enthalpy of any liquid poured into its confines by approximately 13%. That is, instead of h = u + Pv, the cup locally altered the laws of thermodynamics so that h = 1.13 * (h = u + Pv).

The implications of this intriguing property were clear: by running a constant stream of any liquid in and out of the cup, one would increase the energy contained within said stream by 13% without any cost whatsoever, thereby providing an unlimited supply of energy. Had Mr. Bonaventure realized this before his untimely death, he may have been remembered as the man who ended the Great Self-Imposed Energy Crisis of the 21st Century.

Unfortunately for Mr. Bonaventure -- and, indeed, for us all -- he died from a massive aneurysm three days before he would have discovered the Great cup on the top shelf of his pantry, where it had spontaneously materialized a week earlier when the comet 178P/Hug-Bell passed the point of equidistance between Mars and Jupiter. Some prime number of seconds after his death, the Great cup abruptly vanished from the shelf, and is now orbiting a yet-undiscovered planet in the outer reaches of galaxy TN J0924-2201, along with the left-hand hamate bone of F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Time Zones

d0wnwardsp1ral: is in Milwaukee. Bokonon79 is in Boston. Timestamps are EST.

[19:54] d0wnwardsp1ral: american gladiators!
[19:55] d0wnwardsp1ral: which means i have to endure 5 more min of deal or no deal
[19:55] Bokonon79: OH NO
[19:55] Bokonon79: INTELLIGENCE--
[19:55] d0wnwardsp1ral: are you watching?
[19:55] Bokonon79: nope!
[19:55] Bokonon79: !INTELLIGENCE--
[19:55] d0wnwardsp1ral: UNACCEPTABLE
[19:55] Bokonon79: wait
[19:55] Bokonon79: I thought american gladiators was at 9
[19:55] d0wnwardsp1ral: 8-10 debut, i guess
[19:55] Bokonon79: I'll check
[19:56] Bokonon79: Nope
[19:56] Bokonon79: deal or no deal, 7-9
[19:56] Bokonon79: 2 HOURS FOR SOME REASON
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: oh
[19:56] Bokonon79: American Gladiators
[19:56] Bokonon79: 9-11
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: TIME ZONES
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: i was like
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: 9?
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: it doesn't come on in an hour
[19:56] Bokonon79: it does
[19:56] Bokonon79: 8-10 central
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: oh
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: wtf
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahahahahah
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahahah
[19:56] d0wnwardsp1ral: i looked at the clock on my computer
[19:56] Bokonon79: hahahahahahaha
[19:56] Bokonon79: I KNEW IT
[19:57] Bokonon79: I was like
[19:57] Bokonon79: he's so looking at his computer clock
[19:57] Bokonon79: but I'll let him figure it out
[19:57] d0wnwardsp1ral: goddammit