Friday, November 25, 2005

"Black Friday" As They Call It

Okay, I have no idea who arbitrarily declared that the day after Thanksgiving was the day for everyone to run around in a rabid frenzy to complete their holiday shopping (answer: Wal-Mart, Macy's, Toys 'R Us, Best Buy, and the rest of the retail lobby). Depending on your choice of holiday, this year you have at least a month to do any shopping that said holiday requires. Did you hear that? AT LEAST A MONTH. Not AT LEAST A DAY. MONTH.

Therefore, by the power vested in me, I declare anyone who shops for holiday gifts on Black Friday (or anytime before December 20th, for that matter) a COMPLETELY USELESS SYCOPHANT WHOSE FEEBLE BRAIN IS HOSTAGE TO THE NUMBINGLY FORMULAIC AND HOPELESSLY INEPT MARKETING TACTICS OF MAJOR RETAILERS.

That said, this is hilarious:

Shoppers Scuffle at Orlando Wal-Mart

(Is the local news station featured here WFTV or WTFTV?)

Oh, and Mr(s). Media, there is blood on your hands too for writing stories like this:

One Word: Electronics

OH MY GOD!!! THE WORLD RAN OUT OF DISCOUNT ELECTRONICS THIS MORNING!!! WE'RE SCREWED!!!!

On a lighter and more random note:

Man accused of stealing $200,000 worth of Legos

And hey, I always wondered if there was an equation for this (thanks, Pei):

'Beer goggles' effect explained

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