Orders of Magnitude

d0wnwardsp1ral: QTPi's sister
d0wnwardsp1ral: accidentally turned off their dvd player
d0wnwardsp1ral: in the middle of big
d0wnwardsp1ral: fish
d0wnwardsp1ral: and they lost the remote
Bokonon79: OOPS
d0wnwardsp1ral: so they have to start the movie all over again
Bokonon79: AWESOME
Bokonon79: did she refer to this situation as being...
a.) BORKED
b.) MEGABORKED
c.) PERMABORKED
d0wnwardsp1ral: [00:37] d0wnwardsp1ral: [00:37] Bokonon79: did she refer to this situation as being...

a.) BORKED
b.) MEGABORKED
c.) PERMABORKED
[00:37] QTPi: haha
[00:37] QTPi: megaborked
Bokonon79: NICE

Basic Thermodynamics

d0wnwardsp1ral: do you think it's bad
d0wnwardsp1ral: that i have my window open
d0wnwardsp1ral: and my heat on?
Bokonon79: YOU'RE DESTROYING THE OZONE LAYER

(10 minutes later)

d0wnwardsp1ral: IT'S FUCKING FREEZING IN MY APT

Disoriented!

d0wnwardsp1ral: ?
d0wnwardsp1ral: iy'd pri
d0wnwardsp1ral: wtf
d0wnwardsp1ral: i'm drunk
Bokonon79: BLOGGED

Logical Cohesion

d0wnwardsp1ral: my 8 key is borked
Bokonon79: YOU BORKED IT
Bokonon79: RM -RF /
d0wnwardsp1ral: BORKEN!
Bokonon79: http://www.borken.de/
Bokonon79: WILLKOMMEN!!!
d0wnwardsp1ral: EGRESS!
Bokonon79: OBI-WAN KENOBI!
d0wnwardsp1ral: CAPTAIN PICARD
Bokonon79: ENGAGE! MAKE IT SO!
d0wnwardsp1ral: KIRK!
Bokonon79: PROFESSOR X
d0wnwardsp1ral: STANLEY!
Bokonon79: HUGO CHAVEZ
d0wnwardsp1ral: GRYFFINDOR!
Bokonon79: IS THAT SPELLED WITH A Y?
d0wnwardsp1ral: http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2005-09,GGGL:en&q=gryffindor
Bokonon79: OH OKAY
Bokonon79: IN THAT CASE
Bokonon79: CHEESE PUFFS
d0wnwardsp1ral: HELEN KELLER!
Bokonon79: ROSEMARY'S BABY
d0wnwardsp1ral: STEVIE WONDER!
Bokonon79: JERRY GARCIA
d0wnwardsp1ral: NORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Bokonon79: (*)(*)(*)YOU WIN!!!!!!!(*)(*)(*)
d0wnwardsp1ral: HARRY POTTER'S TEST EASE WAS UNPARALLELED!
d0wnwardsp1ral: ALLELES!
Bokonon79: ALLEL'D!!!!!
Bokonon79: CEREBELLUM'D!!!!!
d0wnwardsp1ral: CHROMOSOMES!
Bokonon79: OW, MY STOMACH LINING!
d0wnwardsp1ral: HEART BURN!
Bokonon79: R-O-L-A-I-D-S!
d0wnwardsp1ral: RELIEF
Bokonon79: STOP REPEATING ME
d0wnwardsp1ral: YOU'RE JUST SO INSPIRATIONAL
Bokonon79: INSPIRATION OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!!
Bokonon79: * !!!!!
d0wnwardsp1ral: .!!!!!
Bokonon79: DEPENDS ON WHO IT IS
d0wnwardsp1ral: YOUR MOM
Bokonon79: YOUR MOM
d0wnwardsp1ral: your mom
Bokonon79: no, I insist, YOUR mom
d0wnwardsp1ral: you bastard!

"Black Friday" As They Call It

Okay, I have no idea who arbitrarily declared that the day after Thanksgiving was the day for everyone to run around in a rabid frenzy to complete their holiday shopping (answer: Wal-Mart, Macy's, Toys 'R Us, Best Buy, and the rest of the retail lobby). Depending on your choice of holiday, this year you have at least a month to do any shopping that said holiday requires. Did you hear that? AT LEAST A MONTH. Not AT LEAST A DAY. MONTH.

Therefore, by the power vested in me, I declare anyone who shops for holiday gifts on Black Friday (or anytime before December 20th, for that matter) a COMPLETELY USELESS SYCOPHANT WHOSE FEEBLE BRAIN IS HOSTAGE TO THE NUMBINGLY FORMULAIC AND HOPELESSLY INEPT MARKETING TACTICS OF MAJOR RETAILERS.

That said, this is hilarious:

Shoppers Scuffle at Orlando Wal-Mart

(Is the local news station featured here WFTV or WTFTV?)

Oh, and Mr(s). Media, there is blood on your hands too for writing stories like this:

One Word: Electronics

OH MY GOD!!! THE WORLD RAN OUT OF DISCOUNT ELECTRONICS THIS MORNING!!! WE'RE SCREWED!!!!

On a lighter and more random note:

Man accused of stealing $200,000 worth of Legos

And hey, I always wondered if there was an equation for this (thanks, Pei):

'Beer goggles' effect explained

EFFICIENCY

d0wnwardsp1ral: i'm gonna use my shower as a humidifier
Bokonon79: THAT'S INGENIOUS
Bokonon79: EFFICIENCY
Bokonon79: or, if you look at it another way
Bokonon79: EFFICIENCY^-1
d0wnwardsp1ral: not from my perspective
Bokonon79: exactly
Bokonon79: LAZINESS --> EFFICIENCY^-1
Bokonon79: therefore
Bokonon79: EFFICIENCY --> LAZINESS^-1
d0wnwardsp1ral: not necessarily
d0wnwardsp1ral: LAZINESS --> EFFICIENCY
d0wnwardsp1ral: THIS IS HOW I GET MY WORK DONE SO QUICKLY AT WORK
d0wnwardsp1ral: CUZ I DON'T WANT TO DO IT
Bokonon79: BUT YOU DO IT
Bokonon79: THAT'S EFFICIENCY
Bokonon79: what you're saying is
Bokonon79: LAZINESS --> EFFICIENCY --> LAZINESS^-1
Bokonon79: which is still true
d0wnwardsp1ral: yes
Bokonon79: also, I can define the operator "-->" to mean anything I want
Bokonon79: so I can also write
Bokonon79: LAZINESS --> EFFICIENCY --> LAZINESS^-1 --> RUBBER TREE --> STEPHEN HAWKING --> 6 --> LAZINESS
d0wnwardsp1ral: ANAL SEX
Bokonon79: --> ANAL SEX
d0wnwardsp1ral: haha
d0wnwardsp1ral: Bokonon79: --> ANAL SEX
d0wnwardsp1ral: that seems about rigtht
Bokonon79: YOU BASTARD

You Are The Government

In reference to www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/11/18/congress.iraq.ap/index.html:

Bokonon79: this article is amusing as it is
Bokonon79: but if you add Street Fighter moves to the end of every sentence
Bokonon79: it becomes much more so
Bokonon79: "It's just heinous," Rep. Ellen Tauscher, D-California, said of the Republican move while hurling a hadouken at House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Illinois.
Bokonon79: Rep. Harold Ford, D-Tennessee, charged across the chamber's center aisle, igniting several representatives with his yoga flame and screaming that Republicans were making uncalled-for personal attacks.
Bokonon79: "You guys are pathetic! Pathetic!" yelled Rep. Marty Meehan, D-Massachusetts, executing a flawless shouryuuken that connected brutally with Rep. Marsha Blackburn, R-Tennessee.
Bokonon79: At one point in the emotional debate, Rep. Jean Schmidt, R-Ohio, told of a phone call she received from a Marine colonel.

Democrats booed and shouted her down -- causing the House to come to a standstill amidst a torrent of sonic booms and flipkicks.
d0wnwardsp1ral: SONIC BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
d0wnwardsp1ral: (¦) )))

OK Evolution

d0wnwardsp1ral: Did mankind evolve from primates?
Yes
No
Unsure
How would your Ideal Match answer this question?
Yes
No
Unsure
You can choose more than 1 acceptable answer for your ideal match.
How important is their answer to you?
Irrelevant
A little important
Somewhat important
Very important
Mandatory
Bokonon79: EVOLUTION
Bokonon79: I can't believe that if you answer "mandatory" to that question
Bokonon79: you'd be eliminating half of the population of america
d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahaha
Bokonon79: and for me, the answer IS, of course, MANDATORY
Bokonon79: because it's hard to get someone into bed if you're constantly making fun of them
Bokonon79: and telling them what a moron they are
d0wnwardsp1ral: yeah

Life Goals

Bokonon79: Relief pitcher Ugueth Urbina, a free agent who was with the Philadelphia Phillies last season, was arrested and held yesterday pending a formal charge of attempted murder.
Bokonon79: Last month, Urbina and a group of men allegedly attacked five workers with machetes and poured gasoline on them in an attempt to set them on fire. All five were injured, some of them with cuts and one with burns on the back and right arm, police said.
Bokonon79: machetes???
Bokonon79: gasoline???
Bokonon79: seriously WTF?!?!?!
d0wnwardsp1ral: yeah
Bokonon79: like how about if on Friday I meet you at your office
Bokonon79: and then we run around the Common
Bokonon79: throwing shurikens at people
Bokonon79: maybe lace them with arsenic or something
d0wnwardsp1ral: YES!
Bokonon79: LET'S DO IT!
d0wnwardsp1ral: DONE AND DONE
Bokonon79: if we could make them explode
Bokonon79: that would be nice too
d0wnwardsp1ral: HADOOOOKEEEEN
Bokonon79: actually
Bokonon79: I think I'm going to add that to my list of life goals
Bokonon79: i.e. things that I have to do before I die
Bokonon79: 1. witness a full solar eclipse
Bokonon79: 2. ride in a hot air balloon
Bokonon79: 3. throw a ha-do-ken
Bokonon79: how hard can it be?
Bokonon79: like, just make a ball out of some slow-burning flammable material
Bokonon79: light it on fire
Bokonon79: put on some flameproof gloves
Bokonon79: and toss it at someone
d0wnwardsp1ral: NOT HARD
Bokonon79: and of course when I throw it
Bokonon79: I have to yell "HA-DOOOOO-KEN!"
Bokonon79: so that everyone else knows what I'm doing
d0wnwardsp1ral: OF COURSE

Compulitical Science 101: Introduction to Object-oriented Cronyism [Part I]

Greetings. Welcome to the first of several sporadically-delivered, vaguely disorganized lectures that will be given during this course. My name is Professor Bertelsmann Q. Pancreas. Our goal today will be to cover the fundamental underpinnings of object-oriented programming vis-a-vis the massive political corruption and general ineptitude espoused by the current presidential administration.

Before we begin, I should comment that the content of my lectures is generally applicable across different computing platforms, operating systems, party affiliations, and most non-extremist ideologies. Nevertheless, to provide conceptual illustration, I will present code samples written in C$ (which, appropriately enough, is a mythical fusion of C# with Perl, our favorite dollar-sign-loving language). Furthermore, I will assume that you are at least vaguely liberal, otherwise you would have zipped away to www.nra.gov after the first paragraph. (Yes, .gov.)

Part 1: Creating Objects, Properties, and Methods

Unsurprisingly, object-oriented programming revolves around the notion of the Object. An Object, loosely defined, is a Thing: it can represent any Stuff that you desire using the primative buliding blocks of the programming language. Consider, for example, a War object, that you could describe in terms of the date it started, how many people were killed on each side, what the justification was, etc. In C$, using a class to define an object, we could write:

class War
{

DateTime $StartDate;
DateTime $EndDate;
int $NumberOfCasualties;
string $Justification;

}

Once defined, objects can be declared and instantiated, allowing you to describe them via their properties:


War $MyWar = New War();
$MyWar.$StartDate = new DateTime(2003, 3, 19);
$MyWar.$EndDate = new DateTime(2018, 6, 27);
$MyWar.$NumberOfCasualties = 26641;
$MyWar.$Justification = null;


Note that object values can be left undefined (null) in the event that they are unapplicable, inconsequential, unknown, or simply nonexistent.

In addition to having properties, objects can also have functions (or "methods") that perform a particular calculation or operation. For example, you could write a method to alter the value of a property in a particular, controlled way.

class War
{

string $Justification;
...
void ChangeJustification(string $NewJustification)
{

if ($NewJustification == "Oil")

$Justification = "Spread liberty and freedom"

else

$Justification = $NewJustification;

}

}

In this example, once you've created a War object, you could invoke this method as follows:


$MyWar.ChangeJustification("Capture an evil dictator");


Thus we have seen that Objects, Properties, and Methods make up the fundamental underpinnings of object-oriented programming, and that I can quickly generate a conclusive-sounding sentence by simply prepending an earlier statement that I made with the words "thus we have seen". In our next lecture, we shall examine the powerful notion of object inheritence and parent/child object relations.

*** BELCH ***

"Your Blog Makes No Sense"

d0wnwardsp1ral:
[22:51] d0wnwardsp1ral: have you been reading our blog?
[22:51] QTPi: umm
[22:51] QTPi: i read it yesterday or the day before
[22:51] QTPi: i meant to tell you that it makes no sense
d0wnwardsp1ral: can you blog that?
Bokonon79: THE OPERATION COMPLETED SUCCESSFULLY

BORKED.US LINKS!!!!!

MILES PER GALLON!!!!!
http://www.borked.us/rants/scooters.shtml

SIGNIFICANT FIGURES!!!!!
http://www.borked.us/rants/willi.html

PORTLAND, OREGON!!!!!
http://pdxlug.borked.us/

A(n Obscure, Nerdy) Trip Down Memory Lane

Bokonon79: BARREN REALMS ELITE
Bokonon79: it was an amazingly complicated game
Bokonon79: it was written by a 16-year-old
Bokonon79: with some help from his older brother who was a freshman at Dartmouth
Bokonon79: I wonder what happened to him
Bokonon79: I used to chat with them on the message board a lot... of course I was also annoying back then
d0wnwardsp1ral: cuz you were 10
Bokonon79: actually I was 12
d0wnwardsp1ral: SAME THING
Bokonon79: http://www.gamefaqs.com/computer/bbsdoor/game/574618.html
Bokonon79: AWESOMe
Bokonon79: I wonder if it references my "Cash on Wheels" (COW) technique
Bokonon79: HOLY SHIT
Bokonon79: IT DOES
Bokonon79: WTF
Bokonon79: THAT'S MY TERM
Bokonon79: http://db.gamefaqs.com/computer/bbsdoor/file/
barren_realms_elite_strategy.txt
Bokonon79: THAT'S MY ORIGINAL DESCRIPTION
Bokonon79: THEY STOLE IT FROM ME
Bokonon79: GOD DAMMIT
Bokonon79: taken right off of the message board
d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahahahahahahaha
d0wnwardsp1ral: LOSER
Bokonon79: SERIOusLY WTF!!!!
d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahahahaha
Bokonon79: you can vouch for me
d0wnwardsp1ral: i can?
Bokonon79: my writing style hasn't changed much since then
d0wnwardsp1ral: in that it's flamingly gay?
Bokonon79: YOU BASTARD

Officemate

d0wnwardsp1ral: i hate my officemate
d0wnwardsp1ral: he has the gayest voice ever
Bokonon79: are you sure?
d0wnwardsp1ral: wait a second
d0wnwardsp1ral: i don't share my office with anyone
d0wnwardsp1ral: AH SHIT

WAIT FOR IT

WAIT FOR IT


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WAIT FOR IT


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WAIT FOR IT




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CLICK HERE

Nothing Lost in Translation

d0wnwardsp1ral: YOU BORKED IT
Bokonon79: NO I DIDN'T
Bokonon79: IT BORKED ITSELF
d0wnwardsp1ral: BORKED
Bokonon79: OR IN SPANISH, YOU'D SAY "IT BORKED ITSELF TO ME"
Bokonon79: A MI SE ME BORKO
d0wnwardsp1ral: BORKAR
d0wnwardsp1ral: BORKO
d0wnwardsp1ral: BORKAS
d0wnwardsp1ral: BORKA
d0wnwardsp1ral: BORKAN
d0wnwardsp1ral: BORKAMOS
Bokonon79: BUT WE'RE USING THE REFLEXIVE FORM, BORKARSE
Bokonon79: e.g.
Bokonon79: Me borke
Bokonon79: I BORKED MYSELF
d0wnwardsp1ral: we are such huge nerds
Bokonon79: NOS BORKAMOS
d0wnwardsp1ral: this is ridiculous
Bokonon79: I mean, i do appreciate the fact that in Spanish, nothing is ever anyone's fault... instead, things "break themselves" in your presence
Bokonon79: however, applying that literally in English to nonexistent verbs is where the real pleasure is
d0wnwardsp1ral: me gusta

Let's Hear It For Children

Second Grader Brings Pot on School Trip
(Connecticut Post)

Boy, 12, Tries to Set Guinness Kick Record
(Ann Arbor News)

Greenie the Space Mutant Has Glow-tip Fingers For Arms
(TheWildConnection.org)

So it Begins: Pi is a Prime Number

d0wnwardsp1ral: pi is a prime number
d0wnwardsp1ral: didn't you know thaT?
d0wnwardsp1ral: you can only divide it by 1 or itself to get an integer
Bokonon79: DAMMIT
Bokonon79: you're right!
d0wnwardsp1ral: pi is awesome that way
Bokonon79: except for division by 1
d0wnwardsp1ral: oh
d0wnwardsp1ral: shit
d0wnwardsp1ral: haha
d0wnwardsp1ral: whoops
Bokonon79: hahaha
d0wnwardsp1ral: i'm fuckin retarded
Bokonon79: unless
Bokonon79: you define pi to be an irrational integer
d0wnwardsp1ral: sure
Bokonon79: why not?
Bokonon79: in math you can define anything
d0wnwardsp1ral: hahahaha
d0wnwardsp1ral: i can't stop laughing now
d0wnwardsp1ral: that was about the dumbest thing i've ever done
Bokonon79: awesome
d0wnwardsp1ral: oh well
d0wnwardsp1ral: i'm over it
d0wnwardsp1ral: i'll just go shoot myself now